A Tale of Moving from Shame to Courage

The following is a fictionalized account of a true story sent in by a subscriber. It combines details from the story and some artistic license for the purposes of education. It is being shared with permission. Enjoy!

“Dear Dr. Shameless,

I wanted to tell you about New Year’s Eve. I’m writing because your work resonates with me. I used to think I was pretty outgoing, not prude and fairly confident about sex, and even a little wild. But after some experiences and conversations, I realized I was holding what I later discovered was a lot of shame about my true desires. You see, I love being the stud for cuckolds. And I’m a little bisexual.”

*Dr. Shameless interjection* – Cuckold is a term describing a male-identified person who gets pleasure in watching and perhaps participating with his female-identified partner having sex with other men. There can be varying degrees of intentional and consensual humiliation directed at the cuckold – typically involving penis size, satisfaction and other elements – but it’s not absolutely necessary. Typically, a “stud” is the other male who has sex with the woman of the couple. And we now return to our story. . .

“I have had a few relationships with couples in the past several years where I am the stud to the couple. It all started ‘innocently’ enough with a typical threesome in college. A buddy and his new girlfriend were interested in a threesome and the guy approached me. I thought it was weird at first, but then I thought, ‘Hey! Sex with a cute girl that I don’t have to do anything for but show up? Why not?’ I noticed twinges of getting really turned on at the thought of him watching me fuck his girl, but I didn’t know what to do with them. It felt awkward and shameful and I got a little nervous. I also realized when we were doing it, I kind of wanted to do oral sex to him, but I wouldn’t dare. I figured he’d knock me out if I even asked. I worried I was secretly gay for a long time after that. It was confusing and scary.

Throughout college and my early adulthood, I had the chance to get with a few other couples like this and I really enjoyed it, but I kept having these terrible bouts with guilt and feeling like I was sooooo weird! I felt like a deviant and a pervert and it made me a little angry sometimes and interfered with my life. I hid things, and I was super sensitive.

Then I encountered a great woman who sat me down and told me all about how there’s a whole community of cucks and studs and the women they love to please. She showed me the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid* and reassured me that wanting to have sexual contact with other men didn’t necessarily make me gay, and even if I were gay or bi, it was OK!!! I’d never had anyone say these things to me before and hearing it from someone else was so important and gratifying. The fact that she was hot didn’t hurt! (Lol!!)

From then on, I looked at things differently. I asked myself if I judged other people by their kinks or behaviors or orientations. I don’t, by the way. I realized I was putting all kinds of stuff onto myself that I didn’t need to. There’s nothing wrong with me. I engage in consensual, adult, safe sex and that’s all that matters really. So that brings us to New Year’s Eve.

The couple I currently am involved with and I made plans to go to a swinger’s party** with another female we all know. The four of us have all gone out before and had a great time. She’s fun and easy going and enjoys both men and women. And she’s hot! I noticed that even getting ready that night, I stood taller and smiled bigger because I had confidence in myself and had left all the shame behind. I was going out with sober, consenting, safe adults to have whatever fun we all agreed to and I didn’t need to feel bad about it. I have progressed to the point where it only feels good and exciting and it’s such a turn on!

At the party itself, largely because of the comfort we all have with ourselves and desires, we were the first ones to get a space at the play room after the festivities. We immediately started to have some sexy fun, others soon joined in varying degrees, and I thought about how far I’d come on my journey of self-exploration and acceptance.

I’m sharing this story in the hopes that a subscriber of yours sees it and looks deep within themselves and honors who they really are and leaves the unnecessary shame behind.

Yours truly,

BL (name withheld to protect confidentiality)

** – A swinger’s party is usually an organized event at either a semi-public space or a private space where participants are interested in partner swapping. Usually couples are involved but singles are welcome after a screening and education process. Rules about asking before any touching are strictly enforced and shared. Condom use is the norm. Many times a social gathering with music and drinks happens first then a separate space is utilized for “play time.”

*** – The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid is a model which expands on the Kinsey Scale of sexual orientation. It takes into account attraction, fantasy, behavior, lifestyle and other factors in the past, present and ideal future. It helps provide a more robust picture of a person’s sexual orientation than strictly from a behavioral perspective. Here’s a link to it where you can check it out and fill it out for yourself! Click here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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